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Change in a relationship can be a great thing

When it comes to untruths big and small, it's important to face them, because they can have lasting effects. "We want our partner to see us in a certain way and we think, 'If he really sees who I am or what I've done or how I'm feeling, he or she wont love me anymore.' So we try to keep this persona, and we don't want to share the darker parts of ourselves," Judith says. "This is a bind in relationships because then your partner can say, 'I love you' and you think, 'You wouldn't really love me if you knew this about me.' This is so damaging to intimacy."

That's what builds the relationship

We all have things in common with our parents, but that can often be a touchy subject. And when a partner points similarities out in a fight, it's usually not said as a compliment. "You use it against the other person because, whether they hated that parent or they worship that parent, they have strong unfinished business," Bob says.

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